Name: Zaynab
Age: 24
Profession: Primary School Teacher
Location: London (East)
My search to find a spouse started when I was 21 and just finishing uni. It was actually from the advice of my older brother that I first decided to join single Muslim. As soon as I had joined I knew it was going to be a tough experience to firstly find a practising brother, and secondly to be open enough to get to know someone where they have not been initially seen face to face. I joined single Muslim with the idea that I could marry any brother from any culture as long as they were practising, oblivious to the fact that although many people express the view that culture should not play a part when searching for a spouse, which is a view I still believe in today, I did not realise how difficult parents can make it when looking for a spouse that is not from the same culture. My experience on single Muslim lasted for two years. I had spoken to many brothers, ranging from revert chinese brothers, to Pakistani brothers, to Bengali brothers. Each experience I faced made me realise more and more that although it should not be a problem what culture a person was from, culture plays such a major part in a person's life, that it had become a significant reason to be rejected on many occasions. Sadly enough, I was both rejected from simply not being able to speak Urdu and therefore would not be able to communicate with in-laws, and myself rejected brothers knowing that cultures were just too different. Just to add I am British born and my parents originate from Mauritius, hence a different culture.
It got to the point that Single Muslim was just not enough as a searching tool for me and the more I was on there, the more I realised there were many brothers on there that were simply not serious about finding a spouse.
I first came across Pure Matrimony when I attended an Alkauthar course in London, World of The Unseen by Ustadh Yahya Ibrahim. I was quite thrilled to know that there was a new website coming out where brothers who go to alkauthar courses would be on there. It was around that time that I joined Pure Mat, probably being one of the first people to join! I cannot remember the exact date when I joined though.
I felt quite positive about Pure Mat as it was linked to Mercy Mission and Alkauthar Institute, which are organisations I am familiar with. I must have been on Pure Mat for a few months when I started to lose faith again. There were hardly any brothers on there and I started to become uncertain about what kind of brother I should be looking for, whether someone from the same background as me, or to still venture into the outside circle again.
I stopped actively searching for a while, and thought perhaps looking online was not the best route. I decided to tell my father that I was ready to get married and to start looking for me. I came to the realisation that I really had no clue what was good for me anymore from all the experiences I had faced, and perhaps seeking the help of my parents may help. My parents and I took a trip to Umrah that year of 2011 in May. I felt hopeless about finding a spouse at that point and my spiritual journey allowed me to come to the realisation that I was not in control of what happens regardless how much effort I put into building something with someone, but it was Allah who was the best of planners. I thought that perhaps having an arranged marriage was my Qadr.
My Duahs turned into asking Allah to simply make it easy for me to find someone, and most importantly finding a spouse that would make my parents happy.
When I returned from Umrah, a few weeks had passed when I met my fiancé on Pure Mat. He had been on Pure Mat for two weeks and was new to the whole process. As I clicked on his profile, I realised he was from Mauritius too, and was a practising brother! I initially felt taken back to find a practising Mauritian brother who was the same age as me and searching for a spouse, as I had found that very hard to find on Single Muslim. I had the idea that I would not leave London, and saw the brother lived in Oxfordshire. We exchanged a few messages. A week had passed when the most amazing experienced happened. From exchanging a few basic information about ourselves, the brother messaged me telling me that he thought he knew who my father was! I was taken back when he was spot on as to the name of my father! He explained that if he was correct in his assumption about who my father was, that meant his father and my father were friends from when they were children back in Mauritius!
I remember rushing home that day and asking my mother if she knew the brothers father, to which she replied yes and that it was my father's old friend who rings often and that they live in Oxfordshire! SubhanaAllah what were the chances! At that point I thought to myself I had to give this brother a chance and see where this journey takes me. Immediately, the smile on my mother's face told me that this was a good road to take. I was still apprehensive at that point that the brother lived far away, but I knew Allah was the best of planners and that He was looking after me. Alhumdulillah, with the blessing of my mother, I carried on conversing with the brother for a few months, exchanging our views about various things and to basically see if we were compatible. SubhanaAllah I had never found something that felt so right and easy in my whole life. My two year experience of searching for a spouse was for me to learn that it is Allah that is the best of planners and although I may think I know what's good for me or what I want from a spouse, it may not necessarily be the best thing for me. The moment I had wholeheartedly placed my trust in Allah, did my future spouse turn up for me, I was finally ready. When all parents found out, I had further found out that my fiancé’s mother had mentioned me to him, before we had met, as she knew my father and knew who I was. But subhanaAllah, Allah has blessed me with the best of both worlds, finding the spouse myself and not having the pressure of an arranged marriage, and finding a spouse that my parents already knew the family of.
Alhamdulilah I have known my fiancé for just over a year now, having met him in May 2011, and inshaAllah the wedding is in September. The advice I would give to others struggling out there is to start searching with the sole intention to find a spouse and get married for the sake of Allah. It may not come so easily and may take years, but that is not to say Allah is not listening to your duah's. The person will come to you when you are ready for them. Our spouses were written for us thousands of years ago and it is worth thinking about building that relationship with Allah first, and the rest will come easily inshaAllah. Remember to have patience and be sincere about what kind of person you want to marry, and be sure about whether the spouse you desire would be accepted in your family, which I found is fundamental. A humble and realistic approach to finding a spouse is what I believe would make the search an easy one.
Pure Mat is a serious site about helping people find their spouse and it is different to other sites because there are genuine brothers and sisters on there aiming to find a spouse and build a family. My fiancé and I have advised many friends and family about joining pure mat as our story we share is the proof that searching online really does work!
I hope inshaAllah our story inspires others to not give up their search.
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