My name is Rahman, currently a second year student at university, 22 years of age and of Bangladeshi origin but reside in London.
I should begin by praising Allah (SWT) for having mercy on me through this stressful search and keeping me patient and sane, and express my gratitude to the PM team for the help they have given me in an area that is no doubt full of hardship and trials.
Prior to my search on Purematrimony.com, I was looking for a suitable spouse for 3 years. As you can assume, the search for a suitable partner is not easy at such a young age, and not many people take the plea of a youngster too seriously as the dominant belief in society is that during this age one should be more focused on his or her education rather than look for a partner. May Allah have mercy on our elders who have forgotten how hard this can be and turn away from the harsh reality that the fitnah of the opposite gender has become more and more harder for those who reside in such a country where the definition of modesty has been completely rubbed out of the dictionary. At one point, when I was respectfully rejected by a beautiful brother (may Allah bless him for his adaab) for his wife’s sisters hand in marriage, the brother advised me to visit a site known as purematrimony.com, one of the fewest internet sites that he can trust that fear Allah in their business and sincerely help brothers. Naturally after receiving a good review I went to check on the site to see whether they adhere well to the rulings of Islam and maintain hijab between their male and female clients.
Needless to say I was impressed with everything. The discussion page, the strict picture viewing, the monitoring of private messages, the constant reminders to subscribers to fear Allah etc. Alhamdulillah I immediately thought to myself “I won’t regret this” and started writing up my profile.
I signed up just before Ramadan last year in July 2011. Again I have to admit it was depressing, I came across some sisters that I felt were on there but did not take this seriously, but also came across some sisters who were very sincere yet certain family issues and criteria did not match. May Allah bless all my sisters on the site and help them in their search. For me I wasn’t too picky about appearance. I had a list of some mandatory qualities that I required. Must observe salah and her other obligatory acts, Family orientated, willingness to observe the niqaab, respectful and willing to live with my mother, willing to migrate one day and willing to learn. Other more optional features were things like being a haafizah of the Qur’an, someone from a different background than mine etc.
Alhamdulillah I came across a profile that I liked and so initiated contact with a strictly professional message. I was keen to know about her family as she comes from an interesting background. Her origin is of Pakistan (which Alhamdulillah I was pleased with as this was one of the optional qualities), and I asked her about her practices, and other important questions like what role she feels the Muslim and the Ummah plays and what are their purposes. The answers to these questions were not required to match mine completely. I just wanted to know what her views are. If I felt there was too much of a gap then yes it would have caused problems in the future so I made sure that gap was not there, but Alhamdulillah again her views were very similar to mine. I continued to remain in contact with her monitored by PM team, and soon after we decided to take it to the meeting stage.
I asked some brothers for advice about what happens during this stage? What do I ask her? How do I make sure she is the one? All these questions were answered by another beloved brother and I went on. I remember some of the questions I asked like who are the scholars that you consider that are trustworthy? She asked me stuff like what are your views on polygamy? Although it was a very nerve racking stage, I still had a good feeling regarding the meeting from the moment I saw her. I openly expressed an acceptance and received the same from her.
I still cannot thank Pure Matrimony enough for their help. Before visiting their site I had a very sceptical view of websites and felt they were too open and free. However Pure Matrimony had shown me that there are still a group of sincere people that understand the troubles of this search and wish the best for their brothers and sisters in deen. I tried speaking to people, my family, went to marriage services and visited other sites, but I was never too reliant on the other services as much as PM for some reason. Maybe it was the discussions that took place. Brothers would really cheer me up with their nasaaih-advices and talks.
Finally the advice I would relay to my sincere brothers and sisters in deen and I remember writing this on my profile. We need to remember that whilst we are on this search we need to keep in mind that despite the fact that we have a lot in this world Alhamdulillah, we are from dirt and one day we will return to it, a man will not benefit from his wife because she is a supermodel with a law degree and neither will a sister benefit if her husband is a handsome man with a degree in medicine…but the only thing that will benefit you is the relationship between your spouse and Allah and how well he or she manifests this strength in his or her relationship with their spouse. Never forget who you belong to and no doubt Allah will fulfil his promise to the one who sincerely looks for a spouse.
Jazakumullahu khairan wa salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
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